'shindigs'

I went to my first shindig this past weekend. I don't think it qualified as a party, but it sure was a get-together, or a hangout, or like a shindig. Let's say there were more people in one room, for a casual event than I've ever experienced. I've never been to this kind of event, or party. I like to go to bed at a reasonable time, drink nighty-night tea, and watch rom-coms. I AM NOT A PARTY GIRL. For those who know me and my friend group, this might be surprising, but it's very true. I don't like to drink, or smoke or do any of the things normal teenagers do. I like to hang out with one or two friends on the weekends and go to bed early. Thats me. Anyways, before this event, I had a full-blown mental breakdown/panic attack in the backseat of my friend's car. I was worried that since i was going to be around people that i had never met, where people were drinking, I was going to be the odd man out and be all weird and awkward. This put me into a spiral, and i panicked. The town i was in had a lot of crazy parties, and i wasn't sure if i was ready for such an event. My friends realized that i was upset, considering that i wasn't talking, and told me we could go home. If I had been honest and told them that i wanted to go home and snuggle up and watch a Disney movie, i would have felt so bad about ruining their night, so I lied and said everything was fine and i wanted to go. So we went, and i was so nervous. When we got there, there was only one other person, and i calmed down, but once more people started showing up, i got nervous again. I didn't know anyone and felt very out of place. I didn't have anything in common with any of the people, i was not drinking, and i did not want to be there. After a while, my heart started to slow down, and i felt a little more comfortable. When mt friend said we were leaving, i was excited to go home.  Later that night, one of my other friends wanted to go back, and i felt comfortable going. This was a huge deal for me. I was nervous that i was going to be judged for leaving, but i wasn't. The group had gotten smaller, and i felt i could open up more. i left knowing that i tried something very much out of my comfort zone, and i was proud of myself.

xoxo,

ella