loneliness

So basically i don't think ive ever been so depressed in my life. I feel like i dont have anyone or any place to go, ever. I wake up each morning and wish that i could lay in my dark room al day, but of course i camt. Class is the only part of my day i like, and if i became bad at it, i dont know what i would do. Being bad at all parts of the day kind of scares me. Like what would my purpose be? Anyways i feel like everyone is talking about me. Like if im walking somewhere, i feel like everyone is whispering about me and talking shit. That might just be me overthinking, but a lot of people's actions line up with that. Whenever i try to branch out or talk to people i want to be friends with, i get reminded that the groups were already made, and you cant just join a click. So thats hard for me to swallow, because that means im left stranded. I dont know. Its hard. For the first couple of weeks of school i was able to push through it, but now, i cant. I havent been eating as much, anf when i do eat, i try to eat as fast as posible, so i can go back to my room. Is there something wrong with me? Lunch and dinner are the hardest for me. Where to sit, who to talk to, what to say. Its honestly so stressful, that most of the time i java to take myself out of the equation and leave. Now, i rarely smile or even laugh, which if you know me if very weird, and i feel so uncomfotible in my skin, i sometimes just want to rip is all off. I just dont understand why im having such a hard time becoming friends with people. Like, it was never hard for me. But now its like i just am alone. And whats worse, is that i have a lot of friends, like a lot of people say hi to me and stuff, but i dont have any real friends. No one who knocks on my door to see what im doing, or asks me to hangout, or even just to sit in silence with and drink tea. Thats hard. It feels like im almost now worthy of having real friends. A friend to all is a frind to none. If you know, you know. I just wish i had one person who i could connect with. Someone who actually cares about me, and isnt bullshitting it. Im just having a hard time remembering my purpose and why im eben on this planet. I hope it clears up soon.